A friend of mine suggested Deb when we were discussing boudoir shoots and how I’ve always wanted to do one, and I was blown away at how great she was!! Right from the beginning when we were just discussing the details and throwing out ideas, Deb was super excited about some of my suggestions and had tons of ideas herself! The day of the shoot was amazing! Deb made sure I was super comfortable and got some amazing shots! I love her style and energy so much I’m getting her to do our engagement shoot!
This was the start of my love for boudoir. It was four years ago. My room. Morning light. A remote. A ball of nerves. A gift for my love. But mostly, a gift that I so needed to give myself. Always hard on myself, and so easily I would find the wrongs. I have to say that this was about the time that the negative chatter in my head started to quiet. I had these beautiful photos of myself, to remind me of my beauty. Of what makes me sexy. My gift to my love was well received of course. But I think that the best gift for him was that this session gave me a boost. A self esteem kick in the ass. And one that I needed deeply. One that only I could give myself. It wasn’t just the nerve to get in front of the lens, but it was to accept that I am, well, a boudie girl!
It's always been there. That knowing. Days that are easy. Stuff that doesn't matter. Fights just not worth fighting. But fear has always been there as well. Living right along side the knowing. Talking each other out of doing what's right to settle for what's easy. Fear has always weighed heavier. Harder to push off. More difficult to talk about. To believe. Fear can break you. Break you down into tiny pieces. How does that happen? How do we allow that to happen to ourselves or our loved ones? But most importantly, how can anyone be responsible for that? To break a soul. To put it out like a cigarette butt. To make it feel like it just doesn't matter. And that it is worth nothing.
We are all worthy of love, respect, kindness, gentleness, excitement and feeling good about who we are. So how does one come back? What is it that finally gives us the strength? Why is it so easy for some and so difficult for others? Is there a switch? Like an internal slap across the face that wakes you up and makes you want more. Want better. Just want. We all have fear in our lives. A little, or alot, we all know how it feels. We also all have that knowing. That deep desire to just be loved. We need love. And love shouldnt hurt. Not the soul. That is what makes me, me and you, you. It is our entire self. Our core. Our energy. And when it's broken, there seems like there's nothing left.
So when you finally find the strength, and you will, you will also find love. Real love. True love. And those that love you will circle you and protect you. And will never let your soul be broken again.